Category Archives: Sleep

May 21 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime: 5am Wakeup – Oh My!

Well, the title of this post says it all really! We were expecting a bit of rebellion around Nights 4 and 5, but the Tobester has surprised us by pulling two huge sleeps without a single peep in between.

What’s changed you may ask?

We had noticed that Toby woke most commonly between 3 and 4am – which coincided with the coldest times in his room. It got down to a chilly 16 degrees C the other night, so we decided to set the heater to come on at 2:30am to counter the drop in temperature. This is the only change we made to our sleep plan on Night 4… and what a huge difference it made.

How It Panned Out: 

Night 4: 
6:30pm: Down for bed.
4:45am: Woke up! This is the Tobester’s longest sleep ever. Neil woke up three times between 1am and 4am, but I slept through. It’s amazing how much difference this made. Gave him a quick feed then back down to sleep.
6:45am: Up for the day.

Night 5: 
7:10pm: Down for bed.
4am: Woke up. Fed and put back down but still a little grizzly. Slept for another 20 minutes before waking again at 4:40am.  Back down again at 5am.
7:20am: Up for the day.

Toby’s room is on the cold side in winter, due to two large windows facing out into a large open courtyard. As a result he’s pretty rugged up at the moment:

  • Long-sleeved/leg onesie
  • 2.5 tog Gro-bag
  • Warm polyfleece blanket
  • Second waffle blanket to pull up overnight if it’s cooler
  • Oil-fin heater set to keep the room at 20-21 degrees between 2:30am and 7am

As for day sleeps, we’re still going really well. He is fairly consistently down for 1.5 hours at 8:30/9am, and at least another hour (usually 1.25 – 1.5 hours) in the afternoon if we’re at home. The result of this new-found sleep is a much happier, contented baby.

Fingers crossed things continue to improve over the next few nights!

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May 18 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime: Parents Making Big Ground

I posted on my Facebook mother’s group the other day about my envy of other parents who put their babies down to bed after a cuddle and book, said goodnight and their babies would take care of the rest. For Toby it was an extended period of walking around the room jiggling, or bouncing on the Swiss Ball until he was practically comatose, before gently transferring him to bed. If you’d told me we’d be reporting the same bedtime routine a week later I would have laughed in your face and called you crazy. But here we are. Go little man 🙂

Here’s how the last two nights have panned out:

Night 2
6:35pm: Down for bed – very easily! Bath, feed, book and into bed with only a small peep once I’d left the room. Celebratory wine consumed.
10:50pm: Woke briefly but screaming. Resettled quickly in bed.
1:4oam: Woke crying so we gave him 5 minutes before heading in. I think we may have gone in a little soon, as the crying didn’t really escalate to a distressed level. Neil quickly got Toby down for 10 minutes, but he woke again. Repeated the wait, cuddle, reassurance, goodnight routine another three times, but the Tobester was having huge issues going back to sleep without us holding him. We’ve figured out that unless we get him back to sleep within 20 minutes, we’re looking at at least an hour to calm him down and get him to the point where we can put him in bed and he drifts off. Having said that, we were up for 1 hour 10 minutes – 20 minutes less than the previous night.
6:15am: Up for the day.
The Verdict: Not bad! We understood where we went wrong (went in too early at 1:40am, didn’t get out of the room quickly enough after putting in bed) and took these learnings into the next night.

Night 3
7pm: Down for bed – again remarkably easily. We’d had two Skype calls with grandparents – which always overstimulate Toby – plus guests, so I was quite surprised that he went down without a fuss.
3am: And that ladies and gentlemen, was an eight hour sleep! As we woke to his grizzles, we could hear the Tobester trying so hard to resettle himself. He went silent for 10 minutes and we were convinced he’d done it. Silent congratulations ensued, only to have another small grizzle start up. Again he tried so hard to settle himself and managed to get down for another 5 minutes, but things just weren’t happening for him. We got up after 5 minutes of increased crying and spent another 40 minutes settling him down. An hour awake all up – so further improvement  there.
6:45am: Up for the day.

The Verdict: This was the longest stretch of sleep we’ve had in months. Toby came so very close to resettling himself at 3am and we were sure he had done it. We’re really interested to see what Night 4 will bring!

I’m also happy to report that day sleeps have been better. We are putting him down successfully by having a cuddle and walk, reassurance, kiss, under the sheet and “goodnight, time for sleeps” as we go out the door.  Admittedly it is taking 3-5 trips back into the room to get him down sometimes, but I think that’s just a matter of refining our timing based on his sleepy cues (slow down of movement, yawning). Spending another minute or so cuddling and walking would also help to wind him down from the previous few hours food and play. We’re getting just under 1.5 hours of sleep consistently now for morning and after lunch naps – which is giving me some much needed “me” time to sew and catch up on almost the entire new season of  Mad Men waiting for me on Foxtel IQ. Win.

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May 16 2013
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Sleep Aside

Feed, change, book, cuddles, reassurance.

Into bed, blanket up, eyes lock.

Nightlight on – stars spotted.

Goodnight Toby, kiss, reassurance.

Silence.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hold the Phones – The Tobester Self-Settled!

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May 16 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime: The Battleplan Changes (Again)

Oh hello, welcome back. Yes, we’re still here… now with a new plan of attack after Plans 1 and 2 failed dismally. We’ve managed to reduce night feeds to one at about 4.30 – 5am (yay!), but have acquired a 1.5 hour period of screaming, back arching and tears in the early hours. It is, we presume, the arrival of separation anxiety. Fun times ahead indeed….

So after almost two weeks of these 1.5 hour blocks of settling, resettling and hysterical baby, we’ve decided to throw everything at the Tobester so we can all get some much-needed sleep. We’ve read up and devised an improved bedtime routine, agreed on consistent settling techniques, and committed not to waver from the plan no matter how hard it gets.

Bedtime routine of:

  • Bath
  • Feed (ideally 20 mins before bedtime to avoid him falling asleep during)
  • Book with dad in his room
  • Cuddles, a song and reassuring words during a few laps of his room
  • Into cot drowsy on back so he can look at the constellation projections from his awesome new nightlight
  • Sheet up under arms
  • Goodnight and reassurance as we leave the room

Resettle routine of:

  • Leave to cry for 5 minutes on waking to see if it’s sleep crying
  • If it continues or escalates, go in and try to resettle in cot
  • If it continues or escalates, pick up and hold against shoulder; singing and giving reassurances until calm
  • Place back in cot drowsy on back so he can look at nightlight and pull up sheet
  • Goodnight and reassurance as we leave the room

Parent plan of:

  • Dad to do majority of overnight settling 12am – 4am as he feels more rested if he wakes earlier rather than later.
  • Me to help if major wall is hit with 1.5 hour wakeup/crying session, and take anything after 4am.
  • No feeds until after 4am. If  I’m in settling and feel myself cracking I will leave and Neil will come in.
  • No using the fitball to bounce him to sleep. Very slow pacing only.

Night 1: How it panned out
9:30pm: Brief grizzle/cry for two minutes but back to sleep with no intervention
11pm: Left to cry for 5 minutes, then we went in to resettle (in cot). Left room and he started to cry again, so we left to cry for a further 5 minutes before going in. Neil picked him up along with “Big Ted” (his designated night watchman) and calmed him down before putting him back in bed, drowsy but eyes open, looking at his nightlight. Silence. Quiet parental fist-pumps.
2:10am: Left to cry for 5 minutes before going in. Resettle in cot results in huge increase in crying intensity so pick up to calm. It took almost 20 minutes to calm the Tobester down and Neil managed to get back into bed before he started again.

We left him for a further 2 minutes crying before the intensity warranted a revisit. Picked him up and another 25 minutes of settling in arms. Throughout this time Toby was arching his back and screaming constantly, with tears running down his face. It’s HEARTBREAKING to deal with and so hard to keep calm and repeat comforting words and reassurance when you have no idea what is causing your baby to be so upset.

In an effort to distract him a little I extended my walk out the door and into the living room. The effect was immediate. Toby’s arching stopped, his breathing calmed and he slowed down to a whimper. I did a few more long laps of bedroom/hallway/living room; before reducing it back to hallway/bedroom and then finally back to the bedroom only. I got him calm enough to put back into bed but as I was lowering him we were back to square one. I left the Tobester in his cot for a few minutes giving reassurances, holding his hand (he pushed me away), stroking his cheek and just being close but he continued to lose it.

Picked up and walked over to the mirror and after a few minutes he opened his eyes long enough to look at himself. This calmed him a little as he could see both of us. I managed to get him down to a whimper but he was still arching and setting off a bit so I told him I was going to sit down on the sofa with him (he hates to sit still and will often arc up again). I lowered myself down and miracle of miracles he didn’t lose it again. A few minutes later I moved to the cot and placed him in. At 3:35am we deemed it a “success” and were able to pop the sleep timer back on.

6:10am: Up for the day.

The verdict:

Although we’re still suffering through the 1.5 hour screamfest at 2am, we are definitely onto a winner with the nightlight. This is the first time we’ve been able to put him down a) on his back and b) with his eyes open, and had  him settle himself off to sleep. We’ve also had some success with this getting him down for his first nap of the day. Tonight we’ll continue with everything and make sure we employ a distraction technique like walking into the hallway much earlier on in the 2am wakeup (if there is one).

Roll on night two…

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May 10 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime – The War is On

… unfortunately the war is being waged by the Tobester, and it feels like he’s winning.

After Toby got sick twice in two weeks and we had to stop our sleep training, things were slightly better. He would occasionally self settle overnight, and was able to be settled if he wasn’t too upset in his cot with pats and shushes.

That was up until a week ago, when he started waking at 11pm, then 1am, then 3am FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF, and up for the day at 6am. Seriously trying. Add to this the fact he could only be settled to quiet with motion – walking around or bouncing on the Swiss ball – and you’ve got two very exhausted parents. We tried to use some of the tools we’d learned with round one – putting him down in his cot when he was calm (cue screaming and hysterical crying), sitting quietly on the sofa (cue scratching, pushing on my chest, more crying), leaving the room for 5 minutes (torture for everyone)… nothing has worked. Well, one thing has worked – feeding him. The one “sleep habit” we’re trying our hardest to avoid using.

Is he (finally) teething? Too hot? Too cold? Separation anxiety? Scared of the dark? Upset tummy? Is he actually hungry…??

Tonight we’re going to try something different – Neil will get up for resettling between midnight and 5am. Neil doesn’t have boobs and is unable to resort to the “my baby is crying and my willpower is non-existant” quick-fix of feeding. The theory is that if Neil can resettle him through the night without me having to get up to feed, then hunger isn’t the core issue and we can start looking at other factors.

Wish us luck!

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Apr 05 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime: Nights 4 & 5

And so the Sleepy Train rolls on.

The Lamari Parenting article (my new bible!) says to expect sleeping through to start around nights three to five; with “sleeping through” being 7-12 hours straight for a baby Toby’s age (almost 8 months).

To be honest, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if he ACTUALLY slept through. You can bet both of us would still be up several times to check he’s still breathing, and we’d still wake at 6am thanks to the sleep training Toby’s done on us the past eight months!

Night 4: How it Panned Out: 
7:20pm: Down for bed
12:15am: Woke up and hit his head. Resettled using PUPD. But woke up again. We left him to cry and after 3 minutes he had put himself to sleep. *happy dance*
2:25am: Woke up and fed. Back to bed easily.
4:50am: Woke up and sounded a little snuffly. Tried to resettle using PUPD but every time I put him back in his cot he woke up and cries (and cries). Try feeding at 5:15am but he still loses it when going into the cot. I bounce the length of the bedroom for another 30 minutes but he won’t settle. I get some joy stroking his cheek while lying on the sofa together. He finally crashes at 6:30am. I’m not far behind.
8:10am: Up for the day with a full-blown cold. Awesome. Snot all over his face, drool everywhere. We have a very unhappy panda on our hands…

And so we welcome back Darth. What sort of wonky baby immune system lets through a second cold in two weeks? Thank goodness he’s not in daycare yet… he’d be a sneezing, snotting, hand-foot-and-mouth-blistered mess!

In light of his return to Snotmaster, we decided not to let the Tobester cry for a prolonged period (ie: 5 minutes) on night five, and to give him up to two feeds if he wants them.

Night 5: How it Panned Out:
7:10pm: Down for bed
4:00am: Yes, you read that right folks – 4am! We heard him rousing a few times but it wasn’t until almost 9 hours that our little snotty, coughing boy woke up. Much quiet praise and a feed and he was back to sleep.
5:45am: PUPD and back to sleep within 10 minutes.
6:40am: Up for the day.

Now it’s probably 50/50 as to whether the Tobester’s monster sleep was down to feeling unwell, or progress in self-settling. I’m angling  – as any optimistic sleep-training parent would – that it was actually a little more of Column B. He roused several times in the night coughing and started to cry, then stopped within 1-2 minutes. When he was sick the other week we were all up every sleep cycle – so definite progress there.

Nap wise, our day sleeps are definitely suffering with the sleep training. We had a good two-hour morning nap this morning, but only another 30 minutes early afternoon. We usually get three day sleeps out of Toby, so the dropping of a nap is having an impact on the end of the day. He gets crankier earlier (5-5:30pm) and I’ve had to bring forward the Three B’s – “Bath, Boob & Bed”  – as a result. Unfortunately this means the husband is missing out on his night-time boy’s bonding session of bathing Toby.

The Tobester’s cough has been quite hacking today – and definitely worse than his last cold – so we’re prepared for a pretty disrupted night. It’s heartbreaking listening to him coughing so much between sleep cycles, but unfortunately there’s nothing we can do for him at the moment bar cuddles and comfort. Stupid germs!

The Lamari article also said to expect regression between nights five and eight, which will last up to three days. Coupled with the cold I think we’re fairly certain to have a sleep deprived weekend. Stay tuned…

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Apr 02 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime: Nights 2 & 3

Nights 2 & 3 of sleep training the Tobester were a mixed bag, but we’re definitely seeing some progress with the self-settling.

We had a fairly quiet Sunday so we could stick to his eat/sleep routines as closely as possible. After self-settling at 6:25am (yes!), Toby was up for the day at 7:40am. This is almost unheard of for our early bird; who is always the first to kick off the dawn chorus. We had breakfast, a big play and then attempted to play the naptime card about 9:30am. Thirty minutes later he was down, only to be up 30 minutes later! We tried to resettle but he wasn’t having a bar of it, so we gave up and went shopping.

A few hours later we arrived home to find he was asleep in the backseat. Loathe to stay in the car reading the Internet for up to an hour we drove straight out of the carpark and off for a tiki-tour. We managed to keep him asleep for his full 45 minute nap. Another 30 minutes at 4pm and we had a fairly good base to start the night from. The Lamari Parenting article did say that day sleeps could suffer under sleep training so we’ve been prepared for the shorter sleep cycles… and subsequent grumpy baby.

Unfortunately our bedtime routine didn’t quite go to plan. The Tobester threw up his bedtime milk feed all over me, then his dinner all over Neil, me, himself, the sofa and the floor. His Exorcist-esque vomit impressed us both, but left us with a very upset and exhausted baby. And a tonne of washing.

Night 2: How it Panned Out
7pm: Down for bed
10:15pm: Cries briefly but self-settles
12:50am: Wakes & cries so I give him a feed to make up for his expulsion of dinner.
4:15am: Wakes and starts sucking my shoulder so we feed & he’s out like a light 10 minutes later.
7:30am: Wakes for the day! Another sleep-in for mum and dad.

The Verdict: Getting better. We’re seeing some definite signs of self-settling. It’s also getting easier to listen to him crying as we’re paying attention to the pitch and sound as per the Lamari Parenting article.

On Day three we got a good 1.5 hour morning sleep out of Toby, followed by another 30 minute sleep in the pram while we were out. He ate really well all day and our bedtime routine was Exorcist-spew free.

Night 3: How it Panned Out
7pm: Down for bed
10:30pm: Toby obviously hears me say I’m off to bed because we hear a token squawk, but nothing more.
2:30am: Wakes for the first time!! Unfortunately hubby has already been in twice to check he’s still breathing. We feed and he’s back off to sleep. This is the best single stretch of sleep he’s had since before Christmas.
6:20am: Wakes for the day.

The Verdict: We don’t want to celebrate just yet, but things are definitely looking up for the Tobester (and us). He is self-settling several times a night, so we think he’s finally getting it. Hopefully the 7 1/2 hour sleep stretch isn’t a 0ne-off.

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Mar 30 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime: Night 1

The Tobester knows what we are up to and is waging a counter-attack of epic non-sleeping proportions.  His original battle strategy of multiple wakeups followed by an hour of crying and being comforted anywhere but his bed has been joined by an assault on daytime naps. Once brag-worthy in their consistency, they have disintegrated into restless 20-minute catnaps. Even our Old Faithful – the 9am sleep of at least 1 1/4 hours – has fallen victim. Today’s daytime sleeps totalled just 60 minutes. Crap.

Rewind to last night. We had a game plan: in-cot settling with pats; our “sleepy song” and shushing as our primary settling technique.  If he continued to be upset or wouldn’t stay down flat on the bed, we would move to PUPD (Pick Up, Put Down) – continuing the pats, sleepy song & shushing as we tread the well-worn track along the length of his bedroom. We would wait until he was dozy and put him in his bed, then leave the room. If he cried we would leave him for five minutes before going in and starting the routine again. This is where I knew I was going to struggle. I’m a first time parent. A Smother Mother. One minute of my baby crying feels like ten. We were never going to be the type of people to use CIO (Cry It Out or the Ferber Method) as part of our sleep training –  a cuddle and verbal reassurance from his parents is much more effective for our baby. At least for now.

One of our biggest obstacles at the moment (aside from my inability to let him cry) is Toby’s mobility. When we rouses from sleep he gets up on all fours and moves around. His latest trick is to crawl to the end of the cot nearest the door and haul himself up on the bars to look for us. Invariably he loses his grip as he yells or cries and bang! Head meets cot bars and all hell breaks loose. This makes it infinitely more difficult to settle him as he’s now sore, had a bit of a fright and wide awake.

Night 1 – How it Panned Out:

  • 6:45pm: Down for bed
  • 9:45pm: Cries briefly but self-settles. Parents fist-pump the air.
  • 10:50pm (5 mins awake): Wakes up. Resettled in the cot within 5 minutes.
  • 12:25am (15 mins awake): Wakes up. Lunging for my chest so fed. As soon as I start feeding I know I should have tried harder. I was tired, annoyed and knew it would get him back to sleep. He was fidgety and took a short feed because it was there, not because he was hungry.
  • 2:45am (45 mins awake): Wakes up. In-cot settling and PUPD fail. We leave him to cry for what felt like 20 minutes but was probably only about four. We can hear him moving around then silence. BANG! Head hits bars, crying amplifies. I feed again (I know, I know) and he falls asleep quickly.
  • 6:45am: Up for the day.

So, overall not great. We still fed twice overnight and really didn’t see any change. But it was only the first night and everything we’ve read says it will take 3-7 days to see a result.

In terms of his daytime naps going to hell I’m putting that down to a badly timed busy day. We had a Skype call with the grandparents just after breakfast (and prior to nap time), then had to meet family for lunch. He had just fallen asleep in the car when we got there so we gently moved him into his pram, but all the new voices woke him up. I managed to get him back down again within half an hour, but the damage had been done. His final afternoon sleep should have been the saviour but again, it was badly timed, with the Tobester going down just before dinnertime! Fair to assume hunger cut that one short. Thankfully tomorrow and Monday are fairly clear of commitments so we’ll be able to stick to our daytime nap routine at home.

Night 2 – The Game Plan:

  1. Continue settling plan as per Night 1.
  2. Try to avoid feeding to sleep unless everything else has failed or he shows clear hunger signs (diving at chest, sucking shoulder, hunger cry).
  3. Let him cry a bit more. Wait at least 5 minutes before going in to settle in cot/PUPD.
  4. We’ve both read this article on sleep training from the Lamari Parenting website. It’s basically confirmed our approach so far, and reinforced that we need to leave him a bit longer to try to settle himself. And if that means some tears before bedtime then so be it.

To be continued…

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Mar 28 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime

A new parent moaning about lack of sleep? Really?  I know, I know… sleep deprivation is one of the major clauses you agree to when signing the 20-year mortgage on your child. It’s right there in the PDS between “Intimate knowledge & discussion of baby excretions” and “Giving up the majority of your social life.” But we’ve been living with this for almost 8 months and quite frankly, Mama needs some sleep.

Don’t get me wrong, we did have it good for a while. The Tobester was going down at 7:30pm, waking once for a feed between 2am and 4am, then snoozing till 6:30am. But come Christmas something changed, and the sleepy train now stops at [what seems like] every station. On a good night Toby will now wake at 11:30pm, 2ish and is up for the day at 6am. On a bad night we can be up hourly from 10pm, then spend the hour between 2-3am trying to resettle, up again at 5 and awake for the day at 6am.

Armed with the promise of more than 3 hours sleep in a row (in a row!), I’ve begun preparations for the battle of wills that will be sleep training our baby. I’ve called NSW sleep guru’s Tresillian; spoken to friends who have been to sleep school, or had baby whisperers to visit. I’ve bought parenting magazines, read countless articles online, asked on forums… and now we’re ready to put it all into practice this long weekend. I fear the emphasis will be on looooong weekend….

The Arsenal:

  • Dad has four days clear of work – crucial in our plan to attack from both fronts
  • Bottle of cool boiled water to offer first if we think he thinks he’s hungry
  • Regularly used sleepy songs and verbal cues (“Sleepy time Toby”, “Time for sleeps”, “Shhhhh” etc)
  • Putting him down dozy, rather than fully asleep (if possible)
  • Cupped-hand bum patting
  • And the big one – giving him the opportunity to settle himself, and if that includes crying for a short amount of time, then we will hide under the bed covers until he starts to get upset or falls asleep. Hopefully the latter. The recommendation from the lovely lady at Tresillian was to leave him be if he is yelling or grizzling as this is how he will learn to self-settle. If he starts to bang his head into the end of the cot as he looks for us (I hate this new “trick”), or starts to get really upset then we are to go in to soothe & resettle.

Wish us luck!

Have you tried to sleep train your baby? What tricks did you use?

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