Tag Archives: Family

Jun 30 2016
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Life

Why I’m Taking a Family Timeout (and you should too)

Family

Love ya, but I just don’t want to see any of you for a day.

This weekend I’ve booked a night away at a hotel. Husband-free. Child-free.  20 glorious hours without anything to do other than sleep, read, watch movies and eat room service.

Can’t.Freaking.Wait.

Will I miss them? Maybe a bit. But this is all about ME, and finding a bit of my “self” again.

I’ve had a grand total of four nights away from my family in the past four years. That’s a lot more than some people, but after an intense twin pregnancy and a hectic nine months of Threenager and raising babies, I need a family timeout.

When my husband told me he would be heading to Singapore for two, six-day work trips in July and August, I knew the time had come. I needed to start the chaos with some calm… and a steaming hotel room bath, red wine, book and an enormous bed to myself is just the way to do it.

I have to laugh though. The husband keeps telling me that his work trips won’t be relaxing, or fun (no, honey). That he will have to fly economy because the work budget won’t allow business any more (oh the humanity!) But anything that involves a plane trip to another country, a cushy hotel, no kids in your ear and the option to eat/sleep and use the bathroom at will sounds like a bloody amazing holiday to me.

He’s never been solo with all three kids longer than four hours. Each of those times my outing (a haircut) has been timed for while the girls are napping. Of course they ALWAYS do their full two-hour nap for Daddy, so he only really has to deal with Toby. Too easy! So part of me is hoping he gets the intensive three kids experience – the grizzly, clingy non-sleeping babies; the whinging Threenager who suddenly needs an escort for every toilet trip and someone to dry his hands; the joy of cooking two dinners and having neither of them eaten. Just so he can understand why I don’t answer sometimes when he asks how my day was. I can’t. After 14 hours attending to every need of our three tiny dictators I’m too drained to do anything but close my eyes and meditate on my eyelids for a while.

I’m not expecting any chores to get done. I’m not expecting the house to be tidy when I get home. But I am hoping for some empathy, and the understanding that this break I’m taking from my life to raise our children isn’t long days visiting cafes and taking leisurely walks around the neighbourhood.

It’s bloody hard work this full-time parenting shit, and I have so much respect for women who choose to continue it over returning to work. For me, work gives me a mini-timeout to reset and recharge enough to be a happier, more balanced wife and mother.

Now if you need me, I’ll be planning which PJ’s and book to pack for my night away.

 

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Jun 28 2016
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Life

Dear Darren – A Letter to the Douche Who Crashed into my Car

An open letter to the douche who crashed into our car… because calling up and abusing you isn’t a smart thing to do (even though it would make me feel better).

Dear Darren

You probably remember me as the woman who made you late for your next courier delivery, after my car magically appeared out of thin air when you failed to Give Way at the roundabout. Your Mercedes Sprinter van with its huge bullbar had only minor scratches but you didn’t think it was driveable. And let’s not forget your broken reflector. A tragedy. My car, with its caved in passenger side didn’t “look that bad”…

Your concern for my twin babies in the car after I found I couldn’t open the passenger doors to check them was touching. “Oh God, I need my van for work!” you said.  “Yes, the babies and I are fine. Thanks for asking.”

Car damage

My bunged up baby

(By the way: I know your van was fine, Darren. I’ve Face-stalked you).

“It was all my fault… I just didn’t look”, you kept saying. No shit Sherlock. If only you’d stuck to the truth when we started the claims process; I’d have saved myself a week of constant phone calls and emails with the insurance and hire car companies laying out my side of the story.

I’m so very grateful that it wasn’t worse. Just another 30cm and Sophie’s door and car seat would have taken the brunt of the impact. It’s for this very reason we got the kid’s carseats professionally installed. It’s just so, so important to have a solid install “just in case”.

But back to you Darren – I’m soooo not finished my rant at you yet. Did you know that losing use of the car has been one of my biggest anxieties? With three kids under 4, and a home in an area not well serviced by public transport, that car is my best friend. Not to mention the fact it was brandfuckingnew and now it’s going to be patchedupafteranaccident.

And the inconvenience… let me tell you all of the hoops I’ve had to jump through since your lack of attention at that roundabout…

  • Van damage

    “Damage”

    No car for a week, resulting in cancelled plans and appointments.

  • Organising a hire car that arrived with no baby car seats. The ones in our car have been written off, so my husband had to drive an hour away to get some from the hire car depot after they didn’t have anyone available to deliver.
  • Getting an invoice from the baby hire company for the written off baby capsules – that $1000 invoice is on its way, Darren!
  • Only having room for 2 carseats in the hire car, so having to drive 2 cars everywhere if we want to go out as a family.
  • That time I public transported to the city and Live Tweeted the “adventure”. Soph’s face pretty much up how shit it was.
  • Having to walk to do daycare pickup – 15 minutes on hilly grass verges with 30kg of pram and babies and a tired three-year-old who now asks why “Douche Darren” broke our car.
  • The 10 minutes walk to the bus stop, to catch a bus to Lindfield that goes HOURLY and two out of three trips hasn’t been wheelchair/pram accessible even though the timetable said it was.
  • A week of phone calls to organise a replacement hire car that we could fit three car seats into. After an hour of install attempts we found we needed extensions for the car seat straps. YAY! Another shopping trip on public transport. This particular day is wet and 13 degrees. Thanks, Darren. (P.S. Another $60 invoice on its way for those, pal!)

Three weeks later, we finally have a car that fits the whole family (go the Kia Carnival!) The Threenager is loving his seat “in the boot” and I’ve worked out how to get the girls’ pram in the back too. We even have an ETA for getting our car back!

Unbelievably, the insurance companies are STILL haggling over liability. They’ve got to justify their extortionate premiums somehow I guess.

So next time you approach a roundabout Darren, just remember – look both ways as you approach, and always give way to traffic coming from your right.

Regards,

Kate

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Feb 26 2016
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Life

Nothing is Private… Ever

Blogging and social media are so intertwined in our daily lives we think that posting in a so-called private Facebook group or Instagram means our information will remain just that… forgetting thousands of others are also seeing that photo, video or comment.

I’ve seen countless posts in Facebook groups become “news” stories on the Daily Mail, quickly followed by group members raging about how they shared the information in a private group and the journalist should be censured. “But this group isn’t private”, I smugly thought to myself. It has 25,000 members!!

So why was I so shocked when someone took my ultrasound from this post and used it to join a twin pregnancy group on Facebook?

Because I FOUND OUT ABOUT IT.

But it wasn’t just me. It was my babies as well. My cub protection instincts were in overdrive along with the postpartum hormones flooding my baby-ravaged brain.

The fact someone took note of my name (on the ultrasound) and went to the effort of creating a fake Facebook profile and pretty convincing background story to sell themselves to group admins was creepy as hell.

The alert admin who contacted me about the fake profile was apologetic, and explained they came across 2-3 such profiles each week. People’s motivations varied – some were collecting material for pregnancy fetish groups, others had suffered a bereavement but still wanted to “experience” twin pregnancy through others. Some just did it for kicks.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t share any belly shots in the group, but it kinda weirds me out to think of someone getting freaky to a pic of my unnaturally stretched and ridiculously uncomfortable multi-baby belly home.

The experience has been a sharp reminder to be careful about how and where I share images of my children. Even in settings where a level of relative privacy is presumed.

As soon as you hit publish, your content can and will end up somewhere it’s not meant to be.

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Oct 18 2015
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Life

And then there were three

It’s been a while, and oh how life has changed. Big time.

Toby still doesn’t sleep. He got there for a while but then he learned how to climb out of his cot, we moved into a toddler bed and hello we’re back to (multiple) nocturnal visits… although this time it’s him visiting us.

And then this happened…

twin pregnancy, ultrasound, twin ultrasound, identical twins

Our 10-week ultrasound left us speechless

After two miscarriages, we had tentatively started another ICSI cycle with IVF Australia – netting one perfect embryo for transfer. We got a positive pregnancy test. Then a blood test confirmed it. At six weeks an ultrasound detected a perfect beating heart.

Still scarred after our most recent miscarriage (we lost an IVF pregnancy at 7 weeks), we booked in for 10-week NIPT testing to rule out genetic disorders. I was shaking and my heart was racing as I lay down for our pre-test ultrasound, willing the heartbeat to still be there. The images rendered on the TV screen and we didn’t register the double blobs until the ultrasound tech mentioned the word, “both”. “Both babies are looking good.”

Both?

Neil literally lost all colour in his face and I lost all ability to say anything other than “Oh my God”. There were TWO babies on the screen. Twins!

Having only transferred a single embryo, the tech confirmed they were monoamniotic dichorionic (MODI) or identical twins. And so began what was to be a long, often uncomfortable and very emotional journey.

30 weeks, a new house, bigger car and 25 long days in Special Care later – and these two angels are curled up together on my lap.

identical twins

Eleanor & Sophie

Whirlwind? Yes. And it literally feels like it  has passed in a nanosecond.

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May 21 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime: 5am Wakeup – Oh My!

Well, the title of this post says it all really! We were expecting a bit of rebellion around Nights 4 and 5, but the Tobester has surprised us by pulling two huge sleeps without a single peep in between.

What’s changed you may ask?

We had noticed that Toby woke most commonly between 3 and 4am – which coincided with the coldest times in his room. It got down to a chilly 16 degrees C the other night, so we decided to set the heater to come on at 2:30am to counter the drop in temperature. This is the only change we made to our sleep plan on Night 4… and what a huge difference it made.

How It Panned Out: 

Night 4: 
6:30pm: Down for bed.
4:45am: Woke up! This is the Tobester’s longest sleep ever. Neil woke up three times between 1am and 4am, but I slept through. It’s amazing how much difference this made. Gave him a quick feed then back down to sleep.
6:45am: Up for the day.

Night 5: 
7:10pm: Down for bed.
4am: Woke up. Fed and put back down but still a little grizzly. Slept for another 20 minutes before waking again at 4:40am.  Back down again at 5am.
7:20am: Up for the day.

Toby’s room is on the cold side in winter, due to two large windows facing out into a large open courtyard. As a result he’s pretty rugged up at the moment:

  • Long-sleeved/leg onesie
  • 2.5 tog Gro-bag
  • Warm polyfleece blanket
  • Second waffle blanket to pull up overnight if it’s cooler
  • Oil-fin heater set to keep the room at 20-21 degrees between 2:30am and 7am

As for day sleeps, we’re still going really well. He is fairly consistently down for 1.5 hours at 8:30/9am, and at least another hour (usually 1.25 – 1.5 hours) in the afternoon if we’re at home. The result of this new-found sleep is a much happier, contented baby.

Fingers crossed things continue to improve over the next few nights!

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May 16 2013
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Sleep Aside

Feed, change, book, cuddles, reassurance.

Into bed, blanket up, eyes lock.

Nightlight on – stars spotted.

Goodnight Toby, kiss, reassurance.

Silence.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hold the Phones – The Tobester Self-Settled!

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May 16 2013
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Getting Crafty Image

Oh Look, I’ve Been Sewing!

Reversible sunhat
Whipstitch Overmost overalls – reversible of course!
Snuggly earmuff hat
Made by Rae’s Big Butt Baby Pants
Tie Dye Diva Reversible hoodie vest – owls and polar fleece

 

Awesome new handmade baby gear with patterns courtesy of:
Made by Rae (Big Butt Baby Pants)
From an Igloo (Earmuff Hat)
Whipstitch (“Overmost” Reversible Overalls)
Tie Dye Diva (Reversible Hoodie Vest – LOVE this one!)
Tie Dye Diva (Sunny Day Hat)

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Apr 18 2013
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Life

Weird Things Babies Do

I was just reading a post over on Babble about six weird things babies do. I agreed with the infrequent blinking – that freaks me out – but farting, burping and throbbing fontanelle aren’t really that weird.

Here’s my list of 6 Weird Things Babies Do:

  1. Twirling feet:
    The Tobester’s feet are forever twirling – clockwise, anti-clockwise, one of each… He saves this particular baby quirk for when he’s happiest; usually when we’re about to leave the house or when he’s eating. He’s going to have very limber ankles by the time he starts walking.
  2. Sucking knees and shoulders:
    My knees and shoulders are often soggy thanks to the Tobester’s obsession with sucking them. If I walk past him at his activity station, he will launch himself at the nearest knee and slobber all over it while holding on for dear life lest I try to walk away.
  3. Licking pram tyres: 
    I thought this was a result of the Tobester watching Billy (the bunny) chewing on his pram tyres, but a mention of this particular quirk at Mother’s Group revealed it’s another weird thing babies do. Pram tyres children… really?!?!
  4. Freaking out at random things:
    The other day Toby lost it over Weet-Bix. Not just me taking the biscuit out of the crackly plastic (OK I can understand that), but the sight of the innocuous wheaty biscuit as well. Thank goodness he managed to get past his fear to eat them for breakfast.
  5. Groaning as they fall asleep:
    The Tobetser is a groaner. As we settle him to sleep, a chorus of loud groans emit from his little throat and continue until he finally drops off. We didn’t realise how noisy this was until we were out one day and someone pointed out how cute his loud sleepy noises were!
  6. Inspecting:
    Yesterday Toby inspected crumbs of banana pancake on his food tray for almost ten minutes. He picked each morsel up, squeezed it between his little pincers, rolled it around, then put it down and moved onto the next one. He is also doing some serious investigation work on our Dyson vacuum cleaner. Hopefully he’ll work out how to use it soon so I can take that particular chore off my To Do list.

What weird things does your baby do?

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Apr 15 2013
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Life Aside

So the Tobester’s current favourite toy line-up looks a little like this:

  1. Pram tyres – it doesn’t matter whose pram they belong to, he will lick all tyres equally.
  2. The clothes horse – mainly pulling things off it.
  3. A square of knitting – best for close inspection of the stitches and sucking.
  4. Cushions – great to throw yourself at, back up and repeat. Insert howls of baby laughter for best results.
  5. Remote controls – “No mum, I won’t be taken in by the broken one you’ve given me to play with. I want the ACTUAL remote controls for the TV…”

 

Unlikely Baby Toys…

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Apr 05 2013
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Sleep

The Battle for Sleepytime: Nights 4 & 5

And so the Sleepy Train rolls on.

The Lamari Parenting article (my new bible!) says to expect sleeping through to start around nights three to five; with “sleeping through” being 7-12 hours straight for a baby Toby’s age (almost 8 months).

To be honest, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if he ACTUALLY slept through. You can bet both of us would still be up several times to check he’s still breathing, and we’d still wake at 6am thanks to the sleep training Toby’s done on us the past eight months!

Night 4: How it Panned Out: 
7:20pm: Down for bed
12:15am: Woke up and hit his head. Resettled using PUPD. But woke up again. We left him to cry and after 3 minutes he had put himself to sleep. *happy dance*
2:25am: Woke up and fed. Back to bed easily.
4:50am: Woke up and sounded a little snuffly. Tried to resettle using PUPD but every time I put him back in his cot he woke up and cries (and cries). Try feeding at 5:15am but he still loses it when going into the cot. I bounce the length of the bedroom for another 30 minutes but he won’t settle. I get some joy stroking his cheek while lying on the sofa together. He finally crashes at 6:30am. I’m not far behind.
8:10am: Up for the day with a full-blown cold. Awesome. Snot all over his face, drool everywhere. We have a very unhappy panda on our hands…

And so we welcome back Darth. What sort of wonky baby immune system lets through a second cold in two weeks? Thank goodness he’s not in daycare yet… he’d be a sneezing, snotting, hand-foot-and-mouth-blistered mess!

In light of his return to Snotmaster, we decided not to let the Tobester cry for a prolonged period (ie: 5 minutes) on night five, and to give him up to two feeds if he wants them.

Night 5: How it Panned Out:
7:10pm: Down for bed
4:00am: Yes, you read that right folks – 4am! We heard him rousing a few times but it wasn’t until almost 9 hours that our little snotty, coughing boy woke up. Much quiet praise and a feed and he was back to sleep.
5:45am: PUPD and back to sleep within 10 minutes.
6:40am: Up for the day.

Now it’s probably 50/50 as to whether the Tobester’s monster sleep was down to feeling unwell, or progress in self-settling. I’m angling  – as any optimistic sleep-training parent would – that it was actually a little more of Column B. He roused several times in the night coughing and started to cry, then stopped within 1-2 minutes. When he was sick the other week we were all up every sleep cycle – so definite progress there.

Nap wise, our day sleeps are definitely suffering with the sleep training. We had a good two-hour morning nap this morning, but only another 30 minutes early afternoon. We usually get three day sleeps out of Toby, so the dropping of a nap is having an impact on the end of the day. He gets crankier earlier (5-5:30pm) and I’ve had to bring forward the Three B’s – “Bath, Boob & Bed”  – as a result. Unfortunately this means the husband is missing out on his night-time boy’s bonding session of bathing Toby.

The Tobester’s cough has been quite hacking today – and definitely worse than his last cold – so we’re prepared for a pretty disrupted night. It’s heartbreaking listening to him coughing so much between sleep cycles, but unfortunately there’s nothing we can do for him at the moment bar cuddles and comfort. Stupid germs!

The Lamari article also said to expect regression between nights five and eight, which will last up to three days. Coupled with the cold I think we’re fairly certain to have a sleep deprived weekend. Stay tuned…

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